Moose vs. Us

This morning, my boss came in and showed me a picture of a moose and its two babies. I said, ‘Man that is so cool, I go up to Sundance all the time and I have never seen a moose’. So I texted Tyler and said, let’s go hike Stewart Falls after work and he agreed!! I was so excited, and in my excitement I went back to my boss and told him ‘I’ll see your moose story and raise it by my moose story’ and the last parting words I heard from him was ‘good luck’.
Dun dun dunnnn

MAP of our journey

There are two ways to get to Stewart Falls, via chair lift to the top (1h 45min hike) or starting at the base and hike for 45 mins. We decided to take the long route on the chair lift and thus started our adventure.

We were greeted at the top of Ray’s Lift by a hippie mustache sundance granola man  who told us that the hike would take an hour and half, but he said it was possible to do in 45. We sarcastically thanked him and looked at each other with eyes that silently spoke our plan, to beat the time and do it in 40 mins.

So we literally began to sprint through the mountains towards Stewart Falls. It was a rocky start, but we were in Tough Mudder mindset and counted this hike as training. As we ran through the wilderness along the trail we felt as though we were reenacting the final scene from The Last of the Mohicans and agreed that next time we would being a boom box and blare the music whilst we ran.

We passed a couple people on the trail and scoffed at their  slow speed and ‘beginner hiker’ demeanor. We came into a clearing with aspen trees and thought it was the perfect place to desecrate nature… so we carved our name into an aspen (don’t worry hippies, Aspens heal very quickly).

And we were off again, but while we lightly jogged I spoke out loud to Tyler and said ‘Maybe we should stop running when we get to the next clearing in case we come upon a bear or a moose so it doesn’t think we are charging it.’ We both agreed and when we came into the clearing we slowed to a walk. And literally the clearing had the same feeling as that Elephant graveyard on the Lion King, do you remember that? Creepiest feeling ever! Tyler made a comment that it would be a perfect place to put a ranger station in case a hiker got hurt or there was an attack (little did we know how much this comment would apply). We shrugged it off and silently crept through the valley to the mile marker that said we were half way there. Immediately after this marker the mountain took a downward turn and it became one of those situations when you start a light jog down the rocky path, but then you get going at a speed that becomes uncontrollable and you laugh to let the person behind you know you have the situation under control, but you know at any minute you are going to go tumbling down the face of the mountain like a loose cannon. That was how it went down, but the next few minutes turned both real crazy and real clear. Almost like one of those surreal moments when everything moves in slow motion and becomes crisp. After my uncontrollable jog, I came to a dead stop and landed on a flat surface, I could hear Tyler’s feet tramping behind me as I looked up and realized that I was staring into the eyes of a giant cow moose and her calf. If I hadn’t stopped where I had, I would have run straight into her moose body. We (the moose and I) both looked straight into each others eyes and instantly took off in opposite directions. I crashed into Ty in my attempt to turn around and book it back up the mountain, and apparently I screamed RUN like a mad woman! So we ran a little ways back up the trail. The next part is not so clear. I remember Tyler telling me to stay while he went to see if it was still on the trail, I told him to leave me the phone in case he died. I called my sister and spoke to her in frantic breaths that Tyler may die and I was at Sundance and that’s where you will find out bodies etc. I was watching Tyler walk down the trail looking for the moose  when suddenly I yelled at the top of my lungs STOP! He froze in place because he didn’t see what I saw. He was on the trail at the bottom of a small hill with a tree to the right and on the other side of that tree, 4 ft away, was the moose and her baby.

I told him to slowly walk back towards me and he kinda ran a little more then walked but I took off through the branches towards the river. Tyler was hot on my trail and demanded I stop running like a crazy person. So we find ourselves off the trail by the river and I am thinking maybe we can walk down the river towards the waterfall, but instead we called Sundance to ask what we should do. They said we had three options: 1.turn back, 2.wait it out, 3.try to go around the moose. We waited as long as we could not knowing where the moose went until we saw it emerge 20 ft below our current spot on the river. I don’t know what came over me, but I turned toward the steep mountain and booked it up the hill as fast as I could fumbling and tripping into some really itchy plants. Tyler came up from behind me and I turned back once to see the moose staring at me and Tyler (she probably thought we looked like idiots). We found the trail again and waited on it for a minute and discussed what we were going to do. Tyler suggested we could probably walk the trail and it would stay out of our way, but I constantly interjected the worst case scenarios as he tried to keep me positive. If it was a single moose then I would’ve attempted but I will never come between a moose and her calf. I didn’t want to whimp out and turn around, but we also had 1 more day until our 1 year anniversary. So I thought, I at least want to make it to one year before Ty dies. So we looked on more time to see if she was still there, and sure enough she was standing there staring us down.

So we reluctantly took to the slow walk back up the mountain. I constantly had the feeling she was going to come up behind us charging so we tried to go as quickly back as possible. Back through the Elephant graveyard and the clearing of aspens and the lowly beginner hikers. We felt put in our place along with the poison ivy we now had all over our arms and legs. As we neared other hikers, we cautioned them about what lay up ahead, and most headed our warning and turned back around with us.

Tyler and I still feel like the moose and her baby are stalking us. We will be in the grocery store and feel that erie feeling of someone watching you and we look over our shoulder to see if it is the moose. I imagine sometimes that she pops her head up outside of my apartment window and I can see her moose breath on the window (like the raptor kitchen scene on Jurassic Park).

I once thought my animal spirit was a moose, but I don’t know if you’re supposed to fear your own animal spirit. Those things are huge. HUGE.

La ViolaTion

I wish to contest the infraction for the following reason(s):

I wish to contest it due to the fact that I had renewed my registration 3 days prior to receiving this ticket. I also had my registration taped in the lower left corner of the car window. I also took a picture with my camera from the same angle the officer did(i can prove this)and I couldn’t see it. I passed safety inspection so I know my tint is not too dark, but it is hard to notice it unless you look in. I met with a hearing officer on today, May 23, 2012 at approximately 12:35 p.m. She said to appeal it online and did not believe I had the registration up in the window due to lack of ‘tape marks’ on the paper. I can also bring in the tape to prove how easily it peels off without leaving tape marks. I feel that this ticket was given in good intention, but has been proven to be unjustly issued having been insured during time of issuance. Thank you for your time and your ticket.

Officers photo:

My photo:

Funny…. its the same photo… and the registration is in the window both times. Funny thing is, maybe the officer should take the photo straight on… because that make more sense when trying to see something in the window.

When all else fails… smoke it out.

<— Read this first will ya? So the thing is that this is the issue. I think that this hermit crab is of the devil. It is crazy acting, long living, shy, evil looking, sneaky cheeky and wasting it’s life away on my kitchen counter. I could not believe when I heard a rustling in the bag that it had lived. I didn’t know what to do and I don’t know why it scared me so much, but it did. Maybe because the last time I had hermit crabs (RIP Bernini and Buckminster) they both died because they froze to death. Maybe I am scared to accept that I am a crab killer. I thought about it today and I am actually scared to  see my animals die. When my betta fish died my dad flushed it so I didn’t have to see, when my bird died I was at work and it was already in the box so I didn’t have to look, when my beloved Scottie dog died I was at college and I said by via video phone. and when the hermies died I was out of town so my room mates told me. I just can’t live with the idea that the demise of this pour creature is because of ME. So what to do…

<—This is what they said to do about the messy situation.

This is what i did —> NOTHING. It is still sitting on my counter, but this time in a pot. It is in a pot because I have decided, excuse me, WE have decided as a couple (more like a pair of imbusils) that we want to keep the shell but not the crab so the only thing to do is euthanize it. We found the proper person for the job and the proper tool in which to put it to sleep. And don’t get all animal right activist on me okay? It is not an animal and according to a study done, crabs do not feel pain. But before we went to the extreme we tried one last tactic that worked on Bernini the crab back in the day (thanks to Robert Seff and his herbal ways) we did not go the extent Robert did, but we did try to Smoke it out. (no animals were harmed in the making of this photo…we think, because it may be already dead)

Also, If you like crabs I also feel that the images below aren’t for you

And although that looks like a joint, I assure you mom that it is not, the idea didn’t work either. What is even worse is that Tyler is leaving on a trip tomorrow and I will be left alone with the crab. and it’s sounds. or possibly its corpse. . . .

I think I may have just made myself cry.

The Larping Fiasco

So what started out as a simple excursion to the park to see the local larping community at their best turned into something… very neat. I call it the evolution on larping. As you watch the video below, if you can get through it, then you will see how my views slowly evolve. I wont tell you what happens, I can only tell you it’s worth it. See for yourself.

Who says Rome wasn’t built in a day…

Sometimes it takes an army of men to build a house, but yesterday it took eight hours, two girls, two monsters and one goal.

Evidence

 So the story goes like this, when I was flying home from Cali on Sunday night there was a bunch of turbulence and there was one particular lady who looked as though she was about to have a panic attack. It was a late night flight so everyone was sleeping  until the whole plane started to jump and shake and rattle. Needless to say I was calm, but she was a mess. Combing her hair with her hands frantically, looking around at everyone with scared eyes, rocking back and forth in her seat as if to lull herself. However, nothing seemed to be working so I fashioned a note out of a napkin and wrote it to her to let her know she would be okay because the pilot hadn’t come over the speaker to explain the crazy flying maneuvers he way performing. The note below was the ruff draft, but the real note went something like this,
“Hi, I can tell you are a little scared right now, but just so you know we are fine. We have just hit a bit of crosswinds and we will be out soon. Just a trick I always use, if you need a point to focus on, look at the flight attendant and if she is calm then you should be too. Sincerely, random passenger”.
Too bad immediately after handing her the note the flight attendant sprang from her seat and rushed to the back, and just like I had so innocently advised, the scared lady’s eyes shot back like an arrow watching the flight attendant’s every move. But the thing is, by this time everyone else was awake and saw the scared lady’s head shoot back to watch the flight attendant, so they ALL did the same. Thus started the time of how I almost single handedly brought down my own plane. It was like watching a silent comedy, except I was the only one who thought it was funny. Every time the flight attendant stood up and rushed to the back, every soul on the plane would simultaneously turn their heads to watch, like she was about to open up the back exit and jump or something. The thing was, she was only getting up because weirdo people were pressing their flight attendant call button to pick up their trash. seriously… TRASH PICK UP during TURBULENCE?! Who are these people? She ended up getting over the speaker and asked people to refrain from having her do maid service unless it was an emergency. BUT not before I had imagined a scenario of her hitting her head and passing out, in which case I had to take charge and make an announcement that went something like this:

” Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has put on the fasten seatbelt sign. Please make sure that your seat belts are low   and tight across your lap and please refrain from walking in the cabin until the fasten seat belt sign has turned off. The pretty flight attendant that has been assisting you is now otherwise occupied. My name is NaTaya and  I will  be standing in for her for the duration of the flight. Refrain from ringing your call button unless it is an emergency. In case of  a real emergency, oxygen masks will fall from the celling, in which case put your mask on first before assisting others. Although the mask may not inflate, oxygen is flowing through it. We will be landing shortly so please make sure your seat backs are up and tray tables in their secure and locked positions. All baggage should be safely stowed under the seat back in front of you, but you can keep your electronics out because I think that is a dumb rule and because  in case we do crash you should be able to make a phone call or two before we hit. Thank you for your cooperation and welcome to Salt Lake City.”

I would then have proceeded to sit in the jump seat, call the captain and tell him hi and assist him if he needed help landing the plane. But none of that happened. And we ended up playing ping ping with our heads and the flight attendant until we landed safely. Then the weirdest thing happened…. everyone pretended like they weren’t all just acting like lunatics in the air. The cabin lights came on, everyone stood up to get their baggage like 10 mins ago they weren’t about to rush the cockpit and land the plane themselves. It’s like as if for a minute in the air the turbulence put everyone into crazy people spell and they had snapped out of it with no recollection of what just took place. However, I knew and now all of you know because I have the ruff draft.

 

My Weekend went a little like this.

and then this

but really I felt like this.

 so I need to take some of this

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To feel like this.

………………..While all along tyler did this.

so…..

If you love Jurassic Park as much as I do or as mush as you should then this video will change your life. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while.

I found this little buzzard in a gutter, so I said some words over his birdy grave and placed some foliage around his birdy body. Other birds gathered, I thought to listen, but it was to take the flowers from his grave site and poop on my car. Apparently this bird wasn’t popular with his fellow wing-men and did not deserve the attention I was showing him. So I left, but not before looking up to see Margarita, the little Mexican lady who lives below us, staring at me in the most unusual manner…(no joke) like she was hungry. I hurried away feeling her glare on my back… maybe she ate it.